How much do I have to cry for my tears to be worth anything? And how many times do I have to hurt for things to change?
It has been months. Months. Since I've hurt this much. And even then, I dont think it was as bad. Because back in July, yes, I was having a hard time, but it wasn't everything.
And right now, it is everything. I cannot name one part of my life at the moment that isn't making me feel like this. Everywhere I turn, something is wrong.
Working has been my escape recently. And I don't have that anymore to the stupid decisions I've made. Instead of it being a carefree environment where I just work hard and have fund with my coworkers, I get to be reminded that I almost had sex with a guy who apparently has a girlfriend.
And my good friends, my best friends, are no longer the support system I need them to be right now. Oh I know they try, but it's all tainted. My friendship with you...god, I can't get over the fact that you are so blind. So blind. And Jackie, well, its not her fault they're cousins but it's a little hard to ignore.
So, I have no release right now. Nothing that is keeping me sane right now. All I need is one thing, and I can't find it.
