Oh how things have changed in the last week.
And maybe, maybe I'm completely off base. But I don't think I am. I think you could really like me if you let yourself. You obviously care about me. That much is obvious. There is obviously a physical attraction. And you can obviously talk to me about pretty much anything. And maybe I'm just little bit lost in my own feelings, but I think we could make it work, and I think it would be a good thing.
I don't know. But if I am completely off base, then I just think you're a little bit dumb. Because I am amazing. I am intelligent, funny, caring, supportive, sexy, beautiful and a great person with a huge heart. And I know you. And care about you like crazy. So if you can't understand or appreciate that, well you're dumb. And I will find someone who can.
5/17/11
Whatup blogspot. Haven't seen you in a while.
My mind is really all. over. I can hardly sit here and focus on one subject to write about. And then throw in the fact that I know half the thoughts in my head shouldn't be there and I'm a complete mess. My ability to write has diminished so much lately and I almost feel as though I just can't get a grip.
I guess the best thing to do would be to just...write. Free write whatever comes in to my mind. No one even reads this so there are no judgemental eyes, only my own. Which I think is the biggest issue. I've learned to not care much about others opinions, yet I still can't seem to please myself.
But that totally contradicts one of the thoughts in my head right now. Asdfhhkmfslmakdm I just can't even.
It's really not fair. There are so, so, so many people in my life who do not affect me one way or another. People who have really tried to make an impact on my life. People who have really tried to be a part of my life. And so many of them...I just, don't care. And then there are these random people who just feel so important. And there is not a damn thing special about them, yet they hold such huge spaces in my heart. Why why why
My mind is really all. over. I can hardly sit here and focus on one subject to write about. And then throw in the fact that I know half the thoughts in my head shouldn't be there and I'm a complete mess. My ability to write has diminished so much lately and I almost feel as though I just can't get a grip.
I guess the best thing to do would be to just...write. Free write whatever comes in to my mind. No one even reads this so there are no judgemental eyes, only my own. Which I think is the biggest issue. I've learned to not care much about others opinions, yet I still can't seem to please myself.
But that totally contradicts one of the thoughts in my head right now. Asdfhhkmfslmakdm I just can't even.
It's really not fair. There are so, so, so many people in my life who do not affect me one way or another. People who have really tried to make an impact on my life. People who have really tried to be a part of my life. And so many of them...I just, don't care. And then there are these random people who just feel so important. And there is not a damn thing special about them, yet they hold such huge spaces in my heart. Why why why
4/28/11
When you’re high everything feels sensuous. Every little rub or scratch is just this…I don’t know, but it feels crazy. And it makes you just want to touch anything and everything.
I think everyone in the 60's was stoned their whole lives because off of their music sounds so much better after you've been smoking a little.
A mocha swirl is better high.
My mascara goes on better when I'm high.
I have more confidence when I'm high.
I think everyone in the 60's was stoned their whole lives because off of their music sounds so much better after you've been smoking a little.
A mocha swirl is better high.
My mascara goes on better when I'm high.
I have more confidence when I'm high.
4/27/11
Self-discipline.
Its is the hyphenated word of the day. Week. Month. Year.
If you really stop and think about life, it is so damn amazing. I am sitting here, in a dorm, going to college, eating the best slice of pizza that cost me only two dollars. I have a random book that I'm reading, I'm typing on a macbook, and texting on my cellphone. Is there anything in either of those sentences that isn't just pure flabbergasting when you stop to think about it?
We are all so much luckier than we realize. And we all have so much more to be thankful for than we realize. Not even the material things though. God, I am so so so lucky.
If you really stop and think about life, it is so damn amazing. I am sitting here, in a dorm, going to college, eating the best slice of pizza that cost me only two dollars. I have a random book that I'm reading, I'm typing on a macbook, and texting on my cellphone. Is there anything in either of those sentences that isn't just pure flabbergasting when you stop to think about it?
We are all so much luckier than we realize. And we all have so much more to be thankful for than we realize. Not even the material things though. God, I am so so so lucky.
4/15/11
My heart aches.
I'm reading this book, Something Borrowed, and here is the narrator talking about how wonderful a kiss is. One of those kisses you see in movies and well, read about in books. And she is saying how wonderful it is to finally have experienced one of those types of kisses. And how it's amazing and spectacular and everything she's ever imagined. Her stomach gets butterflies, her knees get weak, and she just can't imagine anything being better than how she feels at that exact moment.
And while I am sitting here lonely, and a little upset because my love life seems to be in shambles, I am so happy that I can say that at age 18, I've already experienced that feeling. I am too lucky.
And while I am sitting here lonely, and a little upset because my love life seems to be in shambles, I am so happy that I can say that at age 18, I've already experienced that feeling. I am too lucky.
4/12/11
What is it youd like me to do? I have tried so very hard to be a friend to you. I have made that effort numerous times to no avail. And I'm tired of it. I am tired of always feeling like a third option to you. If you want to keep my friendship, keep my friendship. I'm done with how things have been because after everything, I deserve a way better friend than you've been.
3/22/11
I can't even. You leave me...asdfghjkl every single time. You get to me in the weirdest ways. I wish things we're different but I'm very appreciative to have you in my life supporting and caring for me the way you do.
I feel like this housing situation for next year is going to get allllll...crappy. I don't know. Living in CVB sounds decent, but I can't afford the singles. I'd love to be able to live with Kelly and Danielle again but I don't think it's going to work out. And I reallllly want to live in an apartment with Jackie next year...but it doesn't seem that simple anymore either. So we'll see I guess?
To do list for the rest of the night: study for philosophy midterm, both essay and multiple choice. Finish organizing closets. Situps, lunges (since I didn't get to go the gym today...)
I feel like this housing situation for next year is going to get allllll...crappy. I don't know. Living in CVB sounds decent, but I can't afford the singles. I'd love to be able to live with Kelly and Danielle again but I don't think it's going to work out. And I reallllly want to live in an apartment with Jackie next year...but it doesn't seem that simple anymore either. So we'll see I guess?
To do list for the rest of the night: study for philosophy midterm, both essay and multiple choice. Finish organizing closets. Situps, lunges (since I didn't get to go the gym today...)
3/20/11
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
You claim you respect me, hell, you even sang the song. But you don't. Not even close.
I can't do this. I should have known, I probably even did, from the beginning. This isn't who I am, this isn't what I want. And at this point it is what I deserve because I haven't been demanding more for myself.
But, in order to get respect from others you've got to respect yourself. So here we go. Here's to the start of something different, and accepting only the best.
I can't do this. I should have known, I probably even did, from the beginning. This isn't who I am, this isn't what I want. And at this point it is what I deserve because I haven't been demanding more for myself.
But, in order to get respect from others you've got to respect yourself. So here we go. Here's to the start of something different, and accepting only the best.
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